In the last few months, we have had a precious grandbaby and brought my mother with dementia home after hip surgery that has changed her completely. Village to Village was given warehouse space that needed to be cleaned out for us to occupy (it held thousands of gift items that had to be packed up and stored), moved my office (for the second time in a year), and began moving one of the two warehouse spaces we house items at.
As much as I have prayed for all of these things, it's been hard for me to stop long enough to simply praise God for it. Why do I not feel more appreciation when I know miracles have happened? I wanted to see what the Bible said about exhaustion. I know as we get older we are more tired in general, but this is something different.
What I found was Elijah standing on a mountain. He thought God was in the great strong wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but He was in the still small voice. God wanted Elijah to rest, to have the peace of that gentle whisper of assurance that it brings.
I have gotten so caught up in caring for my mom, helping my daughter with her sweet new baby boy, moving Village to Village, cleaning, and planning events and trips that I am running on low. Added to that, I am feeling guilty for not thanking God enough for all the things. In reality, I thanked God months, years ago for answering when I prayed the prayers initially. His timing is always perfect. Now I need to allow the Lord to minister to me. Sometimes the godliest thing to do is push through, finish well; at other times the godliest thing to do is to rest. To allow Him to speak peace into our chaos.
When I look through journals from years ago, I see the thanks written to God for the future, for what He would accomplish through Village to Village, through me. He knew where I would be at this moment, hardly able to put a sentence together. He knew like He always knows and I am beyond grateful that I have given him the reigns of my life.
What does a picture of my mom, daughter, and grandson have to do with a picture of a warehouse? They are both answers to prayers prayed for years. The warehouse has been a matter of prayer for several years as Village to Village has grown and needed the space for ministry. My family is the compiled prayers of my grandmother and mom for me and the children and grandchildren I would have. Over 80 years of prayers being prayed for future generations. There are still hard prayers being prayed in our family and over Village to Village but we will thank God now for the prayers He will answer for years to come as we are His hands and feet to a hurting world.
God is holding me the most when I can't stand on my own and I never want to be outside of His arms, so I will rest without guilt and love as much as I can today. Tomorrow is another season when I can do more because I have allowed God to restore my soul.